Police Wives Unite Blog

Relaxation? I think not

2009-08-29T23:00:00.000-07:00

So, after enjoying the last week, I realize that I have to prepare for the week ahead. See, my husband missed most of the preceding week because he had stacked his days off for this week since his brother was going to be in town for a week. As we were expecting company, I needed to get the house in order, which is no small task with two young children running around.

I decide that since both of my husband's brothers will be here for the weekend, and both of our children are male, it would be a great opportunity for them to have some male bonding, i.e. a boys' weekend. I make reservations in a local hotel, and figure I will take this opportunity to catch up with myself, my reading, my friends, etc. Sounds good so far, doesn't it? Well, I have to tell you what a genius I am.

When I booked the hotel room, I made sure I got a room with a whirlpool tub. Now, I am not much of a bath taker, I prefer showers, but at the time it just sounded so inviting. I check into the hotel, make sure the room looks pretty decent and head back out. I start off my weekend by going to a local bookstore to start my indulgence. After casually perusing the aisle, (truly a guilty pleasure, rather than a harrowing dart), I pick out two books to purchase. So far, so good.

On my way back to the hotel, I decide I want to pick up dinner to take back to the room, rather than eating in a restaurant. Again, the theme is indulgence, so I decide on Indian food. Its not something I can have very often because there is no way in hell that my kids will even think about trying it. So I order a sampler plate, some curry, some rice, some vegetable. It smells delicious. I get back to the room and leisurely enjoy my meal and my book. The tv doesn't get turned on even once.

I decide that this is a nice relaxing evening and what better way to cap it off then to take a nice long hot bath. So I start to draw the bath water and realize that the switch for the jets is on the light switch when you walk into the bathroom. No problem, I will just make sure to fill the water above the jets before I get in. So I take my time, slowly melting into the tub. I am in no longer than 5 minutes when I feel the Indian food kick in. Uh oh, now I need to get out and rather quickly. I start to stand up, and doesn't one of the jets start to spray water across the room. I quickly turn on the water to fill the tub higher, because I don't want to sit back down, I need to get out NOW! Then I realize as I look at the wall where the water has hit it with the force of a firehose, that it has made a direct hit on the toilet paper roll. I quickly reach for the switch to turn off the jets, but the damage is done. I will spare you all the details, but I will share with you what I have learned from this experience.

There is a reason I don't bathe, I shower. When eating something that your system doesn't get very often, eat small amounts. And lastly, if the switch for the whirlpool jets is out of reach, don't turn it on.

MIA

2009-08-23T20:21:00.001-07:00

So, I haven't posted a blog in over a week, as I had stated I would. Well, the reason being that my children have been sick. My three year old is a complete nightmare leading up to his actually coming down with whatever illness he is going to have. Usually for two to three days prior to showing any symptoms, I feel like the devil has invaded my child's body and I contemplate calling a priest for an exorcism. If I say black, he not only says white, he screams it repeatedly while destroying every toy in his way. When I finally wrestle him into his room for a nap, he proceeds to stay in his room removing everything from his drawers, bed, and closet and throwing it into the middle of the room. No matter what food I prepare for him, he refuses to eat is while whining phrases like, "I don't like dinner" or "I don't want peanut butter and jelly" (his favorite by the way). Then just when I am reaching for the phone number for the orphanage, he becomes a hacking, coughing, fever running mess. Of course then I feel horrible for ever thinking about just how much money I could get for him on the black market.

However, the second phase of the week kicks in. He is sick, miserable, clingy, but doesn't want you too close. He is up every hour on the hour with some croupy cough, leaving him and me with little to no sleep. If his little brother gets anywhere too close to him, all hell breaks loose. The only thing he wants is "honey juice" (warm orange juice with honey in it for his cough, which works as good if not better than cough medicine). By the end of the day, I am exhausted and can only pray for sleep. However, there is a much crueler plan in store for me. My child will again be up, perhaps not with the same frequency, but instead has added in projectile vomiting. We go through the dance of me changing his sheets and bedding, getting him all tucked in, and just as I am about to (or just have) turned out the light, it starts all over again. Of course this is through no fault of his own, but it still takes its toll on all of us. And just as I think we are through the worst of it, his little brother takes over where big brother left off. I know, I should be grateful that they are getting these illnesses now and hopefully will avoid them once they start school. But to be honest, that is of little consolation.

So you will have to forgive me for not keeping my commitment to the blog. Its not that I didn't long to sit and post my thoughts, it was that I didn't have the energy to push the 'on' button on my computer.

A question thats asked...

2009-08-10T20:44:00.000-07:00

Ive been asked alot by non police wives :

How do you sleep at night knowing your husband is out there?

Well, let me tell you; when Mr Deputy and I first got together nights were easy. We lived in a house not only with my 2 daughters and his son but His sister and her now husband, So i was never alone. { iam still technically never alone since the kids are here..lol} I had P and C to talk to during the night until i was tired and went to bed. It wasnt until after they moved out that things were rough on me.

Once i was in the house alone with just the kids the nights started getting harder on me. One because we use to live in the ghetto and i was scared of someone breaking in and killing/raping/torturing me and my children. It was a constant stream of fear for me. At the begining a never really had the fear of something happening to Mr Deputy; I had that "he wont get hurt he is invinsible" thing going on.

Last year on June 15th I got a fat reality check off that one. Mr Deputys Partner was killed and i realized JUST how close it came to being Mr Deputy. Since we had moved into a better neighborhood my fears had pretty much gone away until that night. After that I didnt sleep at night for 3 months. I pretty much begged Mr Deputy to find a way to stay home after he finally went back. When he couldnt call in anymore and had to return to work I did my best to put on my confident face and kiss him good bye and let him actually go out the door. Once he was gone though it was a whole other story.

The first few weeks i would actually put both Mr A and Miss O in bed with me. i needed that comfort of my children there with me. Although i never slept; after they would pass out i would get up and browse the internet until 3-4 in the morning when i knew it would be close to Mr Deputy coming home. I have to admit that Mr Deputy must have sensed my uneasyness because he would text me alot during the night. Just simple Hi, whatcha doing type texts... you know the kinds that when you read between the lines say: " I know your worried about me and I dont want you to worry and i am alright and I love you" So that eased things a little.

I had the support of a few close friends that didnt mind me keeping them up late at night :) to them i am truly grateful. and I found Support sites. It was nice to know that there were other woman { and a few males} out there that understand everything that goes into the Law Enforcement lifestyle.

So I guess to answer peoples questions i would say that; I make it through the night by having the confidence in knowing that Mr Deputy does his best to stay safe while out there; He has proper training with his job. I have the confidence in knowing that he is out their protecting others all the while waiting to come home to his family. I have the confidence in knowing that i have support from close friends and Spouses of Law Enforcement sites. I pray to god each night that Mr Deputy and his shift stay safe. and I have Faith that when i lay down to go to sleep i wont be woken up because its "the night" that something terrible happens to Mr Deputy.

Am i totally convienced that everything will be ok all the time. No i am not. I still have the fear but i have learned that if you let the fear consume you you will never be able to function a daily life while he is on shift. Its all a balance of keeping busy and praying that you dont get that knock on the door.

So my question to fellow PW's is How do you make it through the night?

Finding strength part I

2009-08-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

It's Saturday morning and I am listening to the sound of my children playing. I consider myself lucky today. My husband will be home later this afternoon and for that reason, I am very lucky. It wasn't all that long ago when we would not see him for days, sometimes weeks. See, I was spoiled for a long time. When I met my husband he had a position that allowed him to work Monday thru Friday, normal daytime hours. He also had all the major (and some not so major) holidays off. Then he decided he wanted to promote. I supported (and still do) his decision. I helped him study, grilled him for his oral boards, and helped him fine tune his resume. When he made the promotional list, we celebrated. Although I knew that this meant a return to shift work, because I had not experienced it previously, it took a bit of adjusting.

Then the offers began to roll in for openings. As he works for a state agency, this left the possibility of relocation on the table. What we were not expecting was the economic conditions that have hit our country and especially the state we live in so hard. We went from being excited about the prospect of moving our family to a new area, to realizing that we could not afford to make the move as a family. Then he was assigned to his new area. It was five hours away. I was devastated. He and I had not been away from each other for more than a few days since we had dated. Our children were very young, one still an infant. As a stay at home mom, I didn't realize just how much I had taken for granted his companionship and adult conversation. I didn't know if I had the strength. I couldn't share my disappointment and fear with him. He was about to embark on a journey of his own and without the comfort of family near him.

I put on my best supportive face and threw him a going away party. The kids and I surprised him with photos for his desk and new apartment. We packed up our car and drove up with him to his new post. When we drove away, I wanted to sob, but I couldn't because our children were in the backseat and I didn't want to scare them. As it was, they were too young to understand what was going on. We made the long drive home. It wasn't until I walked into our bedroom and realized that all of his stuff was gone, that it fully hit me. I sobbed like a baby, for my children, for my husband and all that he would miss in our children's lives, and for myself. I was now a single mother whether I liked it or not.

I know that this year was as hard on my husband as it was on myself and the children, but in very different ways. In the beginning, we both had to adjust to being lonely. Although we spoke everyday by phone and occasionally through a webcam, it still wasn't the same. He was surrounded by new people, in a new position, in a new city. He was the low man on the totem pole, and that in itself can be stressful. He missed his family, his home, and everything familiar. For our children and myself, there was a giant hole in our lives. Daddy wasn't there for us when we fell and scraped our knees, when we took our first steps, or when we needed a shoulder to cry on. I continually told myself that I shouldn't be upset and how fortunate we were that he was only five hours away. I couldn't and still can't imagine what military families go through when their loved ones go off to war and there is the uncertainty of their safe return. But no matter how many times you repeat those words, it does not fill the void in your heart.

We made it through that year. It wasn't easy, but we all searched deep down inside and pulled it together. There were times that I wanted to throw in the towel. It was heart wrenching to explain to our then 2 year old that Daddy had to leave again after being home for 72 hours, to go back to work. He would stand in the doorway and watch as my husband drove away and then he would wail, "I want my daddy". When our youngest said his first words, I never expected them to be "Bye bye Daddy". On the days that our two year old was being two, I cursed my husband. Our child is a very stubborn child, and sometimes cannot be persuaded to do anything. Those are the times when I really needed a break, because we would have days like that with no one to run interference. My husband missed potty training and first steps, speech therapy and doctor visits, school activities and soccer games. I sometimes resented him for those things, he got to go back to his apartment and almost be single again. Other times, I lamented that he missed those things because it was time in his children's lives that he would never get back.

Through all of the heartache, fear, uncertainty, and anxiety we all found our inner strength. I was able to run the house everyday, get the kids to school (almost on time), and find new adventures for the kids and I to go on. We visited libraries, museums, zoos, beaches, farmer's markets, and more. We took the dog hiking and went on coyote hunts (thankfully never finding one). We tracked mountain lions and watched seagulls. I used that year to find my inner voice and strength as a mom. My children learned that it is ok to miss someone. They discovered that that person will always be close in their heart. They also learned that their dad loves them so much, he was willing to sacrifice a year away to provide for them in the future. My husband also found a new strength. He has learned that it is very tough to be away from his family and that our time together should never be taken for granted.

We all have challenges we must face. Even when we don't think we are up for it, we manage to pull from reserves we didn't know we had. Sometimes we stumble, sometimes we even fall, but if we just keep getting up, we may surprise ourselves with just how far we have come and just what we can handle. Challenges are really a way for us to show the world that we can do it and we are courageous enough to try.

A Scare

2009-08-07T12:00:00.000-07:00

Has it ever happened to one of you?

Not a pregnancy scare, or an OMG I almost got in a car wreck scare. You get a call and you worry that it's The Call.

I was just leaving the YWCA after a swim, and my cell rang with a local number I didn't recognize.

"Hello?" I said.
"Hello, this is Lieutenant J." she said.

My heart skipped a beat.

"May I speak with Noah?"

They had the wrong cell number in the system: mine instead of his. She needed to talk to him about an upcoming special assignment.

But for a split second, I thought it was The Call.

Looking for fulltime blog contributor

2009-08-05T08:20:00.001-07:00

Do you have a passion for writing? Are you interested in Helping out with the Police Wives Unite Blog? http:www.policewivesunite.blogspot.com If you are interested in Helping with the blog and can commit to ATLEAST 2 posts a week Please email Desiree to apply

desireemcampos@comcast.net

Make sure you put in the header PWU Blog

Thank you

Admin

PWU Big Announcement

2009-08-04T09:14:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,

First, a ginormous THANK YOU to all of you for being the best PW’s anyone could ask for. We've had a record number of posts in the last month and have been experiencing on going problems with the NING site. It has been super slow and increasingly slow as we continue to grow. We were overwhelmed with your enthusiasm. We really wanted to do something nice for you so here's what we did:

We built you a new website

it’s www.policewivesunite.com this is a forum based website. Some of you may find this easier to navigate and others harder. We know how hard it is to change something that you have just gotten used to. That’s why we will be keeping NING and slowly encouraging everyone to make the transition over to the .com site.

The new website will launch this week and here's what you can expect:

• More professional look

• More features

• Forums for easier access

• Quicker sign-up process

• Links and resource page for helpful information

• You will have your own profile and have the ability to add friends

Thanks again for being so great. We really are a sisterhood in itself

Kelly, Desiree & Admin Team

Police Wives Unite

policewivesunite@yahoo.com

New and Exciting Things to come

2009-07-28T10:31:00.000-07:00

In the Coming weeks Police Wives Unite will be undergoing some changes and making improvements!!! We are looking forward to announcing our news This coming Monday August 3rd 2009, so stay tuned!!!

When they're asked to do more

2009-07-20T13:53:00.000-07:00

In our tanking economy, it seems that across the board more is being expected of workers, and they're getting less in return. As police wives, though, we know all too well how often our officer spouses get the short end of the stick. They're always expected to do more than is expected. We know that the end of their shift isn't necessarily the end of their shift, and their days off aren't set in stone.

This past week the leader of the local chapter of a prominent national gang was shot and killed, and his funeral is taking place on Saturday. So just as we started making plans for our days off together—the first in three weeks—Noah was told that he and his squad have to work this weekend. The consolation prize? They'll get Wednesday off instead. Wednesday. When I'm at work.

For me, the time apart is worse than the worry. I have no control over what happens while Noah's working his shift, so I try not to think about it too much. But it's the disappointment of expecting those precious few hours together and having them taken away—usually last minute—that really hits me the hardest. I remember once, while I was pregnant, I was lying in bed trying to sleep, expecting Noah to be home at 1 am. I knew that once he got home I'd be able to rest, and the next day was his first off after a shift (and the only one we'd have off together). Just before he was supposed to get home, I got the call: He had to work overtime, and much of the next day—OUR day— would surely be spent sleeping. I fell apart. I needed him, and he couldn't be there with me.

In the grand scheme of things, it's easy to say "It's just one Saturday." But it's OUR Saturday. It's our precious and somewhat rare day at home together with our son.

As strange as it may seem, of course I feel for the friends and family of the man who was shot. But the fact that I have to give up a day with my husband, that I have to give up some of our precious time, so that he can keep order and safety at a funeral, an event that's supposed to be quiet and mournful...that's just too much.

At the moment I'm trying to train for my first sprint triathlon, something I've decided to do for me. To show myself that I can do things that I used to think I couldn't. Funny enough, being a police wife has taught me that I can handle a lot more than I ever would have thought. But with Noah's schedule of long hours and unpredictable free time, it's been really hard to find time to train. I can't swim when Ethan is with me. I can't bike, because I don't have a bike seat and can't really afford one. I can run, but with the inhibiting jogger stroller and only for short periods of time before Ethan gets fussy because it's too hot. I don't have a whole lot of family or friends close by who can pop over for an hour and watch the baby for me. Sometimes I feel like a single mom. (Although all props go to real single moms. I don't know how they do it!)

Added into this crazy mix, it was recently announced at work that we'd all have to take turns staying an hour later than many of us are used to, a complication that under normal circumstances wouldn't be that big of a deal.

But when your husband is a cop, every hour lost is a big deal. And every day lost, well. That's even worse.

Rituals........

2009-07-19T00:08:00.001-07:00

These simple phrases bring such strong thoughts and vivid images into people's minds. You can see the image of a wife and kids waiting for a patrol car to drive up when you say the words 'An Officer's Family.' Perhaps you see a uniformed man sitting with his wife and children, protecting them from the world. Being an officer is central to all aspects of one's life. Images will reflect this fact. After all, a law enforcement officer is never off duty.

'The rotating shift' may bring to mind a picture of a family carrying on a weekend alone. It can bring to mind a picture of a police family carrying on holiday activities without their police parent. While the officer works a weekend or sleeps after a night shift, the family lives on, together, but apart. Again, the 'job' is central to the lifestyle, central to the image.

The idea of 'rituals' probably doesn't bring a similar image. Most people associate rituals with religious or anti-religious events. However, rituals are one of the most important aspects of a healthy life for a law enforcement family.

Rituals are the foundation for a sense of community regardless of whether that community is a congregation, a cult or a family. Webster's dictionary defines a ritual as a pattern of behavior that is repeated in a set manner. If you came from a typical family, you will remember many rituals--perhaps the evening meal where everyone took turns telling about their day, perhaps Christmas day unwrapping and playing with presents, perhaps something as simple as a nightly story reading and tuck into bed.

Police families often have their rituals interrupted by the demands of the job. Frequently, the officer is not available to participate in the family rituals. When a brick is missing in the foundation, the structure weakens. A weakened structure will more readily feel the damage from a storm. The police family needs to work hard at establishing rituals in order to fortify the normal ups and downs of a marriage.

For example, if Dad is an officer and is working a three-to-eleven, he can't be at dinner. The dinner must go on, to steal an old show biz cliche. After everyone tells their story at dinner, the conversation can slip into what to say to Dad when he phones for his evening call. The kids can be given a one or two minute segment of a nightly phone call to present their day to Daddy. This way Daddy becomes part of the dinner, part of the ritual. What's important is that the same pattern is repeated whenever Daddy is on three-to-elevens.

If Mom is an officer and can't be there some nights to tuck in, she can be a topic of discussion at bedtime. "What do you want me to tell Mommy about today? Let's write it down for her. Now give me an extra kiss for Mommy when she comes home." One corrections mom even tapes a nightly message for her kids when she wont be home. It doesn't replace Mommy, but it brings her into the ritual. With a small amount of thought, creativity and a little extra work, the absent partner can always be present in one form or another. The benefits are worth the extra effort.

On the job, a partner watches your back, takes care of you. At home, a partner has to do the same. Bring your partner into the rituals. Build the most important foundation of your home, a strong family life.

article provided by heavybadge.com

STRESSES ENCOUNTERED BY POLICE WIVES:

2009-07-19T00:06:00.000-07:00

Riddle:

When is the baseball coach called Mom?

When does Mr. Popularity become the invisible Man?

When can a "pair" turn into a lemon?

Answer:

When you spouse is a police officer!

The topsy-turvy lifestyle of law enforcement officers can place unusual stresses on families and spouses. Police wives must often assume the roles of their absentee mate, rearrange agendas to fit offbeat duty schedules, or simply learn to function independently. Job commitments and pressures sometimes foster breakdowns in communication between spouses, often locking police wives out of the picture. Faced with these stressed, feelings of isolation and frustration often mount and set the stage for marital discord as police wives live the lifestyle of "married singles!"

Divorce rates among law enforcement personnel parallel those of other high-stress professions such as doctors and lawyers. Surveys of police officers continually reflect estimates of divorce rates as high as 75%!

"There's no question about it, this is a very difficult lifestyle", says police wife Irene Schreiber whose husband Paul is a detective in the Suffolk County Police Department. Mrs. Schreiber joined the Suffolk County Police Wives Association in 1979 and served as the group's president for three years, gaining insight into the problems that police wives face.

"There are a lot of stressed involved that families of non police officers are not exposed to. But, in general, shifts, overtime and holidays are amount the ones that bother wives the most", she has found. "In out house we refer to the 5-1 shift as the 5-whenever! And, I remember a friend whose husband had been working a lot of overtime. When asked how his wife Charlene was, he replied, 'Charlene who?' When my husband first went on the job, I had to learn quickly how to cope with his hours, or be alone!"

As the world around them functions "normally, " police families often find themselves unable to participate. Invitations must be declined, holidays are postponed, and family's divide when one member must work while the rest of the world plays. Child care, home and social obligations, and recreation may become solo activities for the police spouse, as she attends functions and makes household decisions while her mate sleeps off the effects of a midnight shift. Police wives learn to handle everything from childcare to auto repair…alone.

"When the kids were young I had to be both parents to them," says the wife of a recent retiree. "I even learned to play soccer and pitch a baseball."

"Special occasions are what really bug me," confides another police wife. "I hate sitting down to a Thanksgiving dinner or the kids' birthday parties without him. Sometimes I feel like I'm raising this family alone."

A third wife complains, "there are times when my kids don't get to see their father all week. He's home while they're in school and when they get home he's working a 4-12. By the time he's home again, they're sleeping. And so it goes, the next day and the next. They start to forget what their father looks like!"

Intimacy suffers, too. Warm embraces are replaced with a cold and empty bed when he's working through the night. Interludes traditionally reserved for moonlit eves, shift gears as shifts change and turn his circadian clock upside down.

"This week he's a 'morning man'," She complains, "but, there's just no privacy with the kids around and I really don't have time in the middle of the day. Then, when I'm ready, he's too tired or on his way to work! I know it's difficult for him, but I get lonely too."

The void can go beyond the physical, as well. Emotional distance is often a side effect of the stress he encounters on the job. While dealing with trauma, danger and violence on a daily basis, he must uphold his professional demeanor and stifle feelings of anxiety, anger and frustration, a technique that often trickles into his off-duty personality. Further, in an effort to protect his loved ones from graphic reality, he may shut down certain lines of communication, excluding his spouse from a large and important part of his life.

"After going through a difficult situation at work they may get very quiet and go off into a world of their own," Mrs. Schreiber says. "Or, they become super busy around the house to work off that nervous energy. I guess it's kind of therapy for them, but some wives don't realize that and start to feel left out."

On duty, the police officer, as guardian of the public, commands respect due his powerful position. However, that "hero" image may be hard to tone down when he returns home and is expected to take out the garbage, causing psychological adgita for his spouse. Additionally, overtime and extra-duty demands may monopolize the police officer's time and attention, giving his mate a sense of low priority or abandonment.

"They have to handle everyone else's major problems," mentions Mrs. Schreiber, "then when they come home ours seem so minor. It's hard for them to change from one world to another so quickly. I know they try, but some wives feel like the last one on the totem pole."

Additionally, with an escalating number of females joining the police ranks over the last several years, "some police wives were initially 'uneasy' about the possibility of infidelity on those long night shifts. However, fears of chivalrous behaviors possibly compromising their husbands safety or interfering with the execution of duties took priority over those concerns" recalls Mrs. Schreiber. She is quick to emphasize, also, that the outstanding performance and record of the Suffolk County Policewoman have allayed those anxieties.

Most police wives agree that though benefits are abundant, the stresses are profound. "There are proven coping strategies, however, that help alleviate the feelings of 'single parenthood' for police wives," Mrs. Schreiber says. "If we spend to little time working on our relationships, it takes it's toll," she cautions, "so it's important to keep at it."

Her Suggestions:

MAKE TIME; MAKE DATES TO BE TOGETHER. You did it before you were married, so just do it again. Reserve special times to be together. It could be exciting. And set aside a 'family day', even once a month, so that the kids can spend quality time with both parents.

KEEP BUSY WHEN HE'S NOT AVAILABLE. Clubs, school, hobbies, exercise, rap sessions, visits, anything that interests you, can turn empty hours into positive time.

TURN OFF THE BEDROOM PHONE AND TURN ON THE AIR CONDITIONER. White noise (the soft steady drone of an air conditioner for example) can serve to drown out daytime sounds while he sleeps, making you're job as keeper to the silence easier. Also, uninterrupted sleep makes him a happier mate, a benefit for you.

HAVE SATURDAY NIGHT ON WEDNESDAY. Invite friends for supper or early evening coffee and cake midweek so you'll have a chance to socialize together.

KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN BUT RESPECT HIS SOLITUDE. Remember that both may be therapy that helps to keep the marriage healthy.

CELEBRATE SPECIAL OCCASIONS ON ALTERNATE DATES. Make arrangements to coincide with his schedule. Friends and relatives are often quite cooperative and supportive.

JOIN A SUPPORT GROUP. Sharing concerns and ideas helps reduce feelings of isolation, increases coping skills, and can provide companionship at needed times.

Article provided by heavybadge.com

Marital and Family Issues specific to Law Enforcement Personnel

2009-07-18T23:58:00.000-07:00

He's Changed!

" He's changed. Now how do I live with him?" So booms the too often heard cry of many police wives. He's always so negative. We don't talk much anymore. He's not the man that I've married".

"I'm not the one that's changed. You don't like anything. You act like you don't like my job, my friends, or ME!" the officer retorts.

So goes the battle of the police wife. The man she married, the man she fell in love with, seems to be different since he became a cop. It doesn't happen to all, and it doesn't happen too all at once. But it does happen to too many police families.

Research suggests that negativity and cynicism build over an officer's career. Some even suggests that a cynical attitude can be seen developing in the police academy! This cynicism effects an officers relationships, especially with non-officers (like his wife!). They tend to communicate less and use humor, (often black humor), as a defense to avoid dealing with problems. As they get more entrenched in the police subculture they become more isolated from the "outside" world. Unfortunately an officer's family lives in that outside world!

As a result of a cop changing, so does his wife. Wives of officers tend to feel more isolated. They perceive themselves as facing the world alone. They see themselves as not in control of their lives. The department's schedule controls their schedule. The departments needs take precedents over their own!

Often a police wife will tend to get more emotional to compensate for their husband's lack of emotion. They can exaggerate lesser problems in order to get help or attention that otherwise does not come their way. In essence, wives go the opposite extreme in an effort to maintain balance in their family. Unfortunately, when two people reach extremes, the balance is too delicate and can become easily upset.

The tendencies discussed above, however, are not pre-destined. We all have tendencies: whether promoted by work, upbringing, or genetics. We get to decide whether we give in to these tendencies or fight them. That's the good news. The bad news: It takes a lot of work to overcome a tendency rather than give into it. The picture is clear: Mental health is like physical health -- it takes work to become healthy and continued work to stay that way!

Below are five suggestions that can be used to overcome the tendencies of police life -- five marital exercises that can help establish and maintain a healthy relationship. These exercised are only a start. Add more as you work on you own relationship! Follow them as best you can. Hopefully you will reap the benefits.

1. One of the first areas that a wife can work on are her negative attitudes toward his job. A wife's stated satisfaction with her husband's career carries great weight in determining the extent to which his career affects the family's life. Focus on the advantages of being part of the police family. It is like being part of a community. A community that can be helpful, supportive, and protective. For every negative statement you make force yourself to make at least three positive statements. Actually take control of your language. Positive language about being a police family will yield positive results.

2. Make a commitment not to be a victim to the tendencies of police life. Sit down with your spouse and review the directions that many police marriages take. Make it a habit to review these areas monthly. Rate yourselves and rate each other on what direction the relationship is going. One of the best ways to overcome potential problems is to look for signs that it is developing and deal with it while it is manageable. Be aware! Avoid letting the tendencies that plague police relationships become realities.

3. One of the unfortunate parts of living in the 90's is that we have been brainwashed to compact as much activity into as little time as possible. Time gets further compacted when children come along. Many lives seem to be filled with clutter that chokes us from having any quality in our life. Police families are particularly prone to this "cluttering" because they try to compensate for shift scheduling, overtime, and the perception of many wives that they are "single-parenting". Keep your life as uncluttered as possible by avoiding unnecessary purchases, over dependence on credit, over booking your calendar or your children's calendars, and avoid pack ratting of material possessions. Take the time to sit with your spouse and methodically go through each part of your life and eliminate the things that are not necessary. The amount of clutter in your life is directly related to the amount of stress you feel.

4. The most important commodity in life is time. Time is needed to build a strong relationship. Time is needed to overcome problems. Time is needed to firmly establish changes. Money can be replaced. Possessions can be replaced. Jobs can be replaced. Once time is gone, it is gone forever!

It is important for police couples to make time for each other. Time alone. Time away. If a daily period of time can be taken, 15 minutes to a half-hour, it will make a tremendous difference in the relationship. Some couples find that time in bed right before falling asleep is the easiest to arrange. Just a cooling down, talking period. Others find it best to talk on the front porch immediately after a shift, or before a shift. Whenever this time is taken, it is best if the time is taken alone with your spouse and regularly scheduled. Make it a personal ritual! Time with family is wonderful, but couples need time together without children. In the same vein, regular nights or days out alone with your spouse is also necessary. Whether it is every other week, or once a month, a day or evening out is an important part of maintaining a relationship. Take turns organizing this day or night. Let the activity be a surprise to your spouse when it is your turn. But, don't let the weeks turn into months without some quality alone time together.

5. We are by nature a task oriented, goal directed, species. Through most of our existence, if we lose sight of goals, we become less satisfied. Marriage must also be goal directed. Sit down with your spouse and set the goals that you will follow for the next year. Write them down and date them. Don't use general language like "be happy". Use specifics like "help Johnny read at first grade level, " or "save $2000, " or "take a trip to Canada," or "spend a half hour alone together five days a week," etc. Once your goals are written, post them somewhere visible and review2 them together every week. Add new goals, if necessary. In a year, re-write the goals. Don't project more than one year at a time.

In may seem like a lot of work, but it is the most important work you will do. Remember, the career, family, and home are all built on your relationship. Don't ignore this foundation.

Article was provided by : heavybadge.com

Post A Thon a HUGE Sucess

2009-07-18T14:46:00.000-07:00

A huge thank you to everyone for making our first ever PWU post-a-thon a HUGE success! That was by far the most participation we have ever had on PWU. I checked in a few times and was rolling with laughter, you ladies are hilarious!!

Someone asked when are we doing it again, the answer ONCE A MONTH!! I think everyone had a TON of fun!! Stay tuned for the theme for NEXT MONTH!!

We had 1360 Replies and 114 pages of posts!! And the WINNER'S ARE:

1st place is Charlene Hefferin with 463 posts----PRIZE--- Shirt from our Cafe press shop

2nd place is Nicole Austin with 227 posts-----PRIZE---a PWU mug

3rd place is Jaclyn Macomber with 207 posts---- PRIZE---a PWU magnet

4th place goes to both Desiree Komar McDonald and Lesley Dews with 122 posts--PRIZES--PWU buttons

5th place goes to April Ann Hutchins with 58 posts----PRIZE---- PWU bumper Sticker

Thanks Ladies! This was so much fun!!

Kelly

** We will be contacting you about the PRIZES**

*Kelly Wrote this I am just the one posting it*

PWU has a Facebook Fan Page

2009-07-13T23:17:00.001-07:00

Police Wives Unite on Facebook

Check it out and become a fan today!!!!

Just Launched!!!!! PWU on CafePress!

2009-07-13T15:09:00.000-07:00

Police Wives Unite has officially Launched their Cafe Press Shop!!!! So stop by and check it out! We are still getting designs up and running so check back often. you can even subscribe to our shop so that way you receive a email when we add new products!

Police Wives Unite Cafe Press Shop

PWU POST~A~THON!!!!

2009-07-10T18:32:00.000-07:00

Hope to see you THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TEN WAYS You Know You Married a COP!

2009-07-09T17:58:00.000-07:00

TEN WAYS You Know You Married a COP!

10. When you start an argument, he calls for back-up

9. Refers to bedroom as "The Pokey"

8. Secret desire to see you in a Kevlar nightie

7. Calls farting his "silent alarm"

6. The obvious nightstick reference.

5. You never hear him say, " OH, Man.... not donuts again !!"

4. Refers to his winkie as "the ol' breathalyzer!"

3. Stops you in the middle of sex to ask you if you knew how fast you were going.

2. Handcuffs don't turn him on anymore.

1. YES, that IS a gun in his pocket !!!!!

Police Dept. Voice Mail

2009-07-09T17:50:00.000-07:00

Hello, you have reached the ____________ Police Department Voice Mail.

Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and unusual circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options:

- To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem you created for yourself, press 1.

- To postulate whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2.

- To report an officer for bad manners when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3.

- If you would like us to raise your children, press 4.

- If you would like us to take control of your life due to your alcoholic or chemical dependency, press 5.

- If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6.

- To provide a list of police officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7.

- To sue us, tell us you'll have our badge, that you pay our salary, or proclaim our career is over, press 8.

- To hear this menu again, wrap aluminum foil around your head and turn around three times.

WHAT IS A COP'S WIFE?

2009-07-09T14:44:00.002-07:00

WHAT IS A COP'S WIFE?

A cop's wife is a woman who is married to a man who is "married" to his job, his partner and his badge. A cop's wife can usually be found cooking breakfast at midnight, picking up his uniforms at the cleaners and spending nights alone.

A cop's wife must be a good listener, not questioning him. She must be understanding when he goes out for a beer with his buddies, doesn't feel like taking her to the movies, or has an exam to study for.

A cop's wife must live with shift work, lonely holidays, bad jokes, ulcers and alcohol, bulletproof vests and fixed incomes. She is used to words like rape, robbery, assault and child abuse. She is familiar with night school, stakeouts, overtime and being on her own.

Most women are not born or raised to be a cop's wife; it is something that they have chosen to do. Some can and others cannot. She will spend each day learning, listening to and loving a man that few people respect and most others often hate.

A cop's wife makes beds, breakfasts and love to a man who spends more time with junkies, hookers, informants, pimps and partners than he does with her. She attends dinners, meetings and sometimes funerals.

A cop's wife watches the man she loves grow old before his time, watches him become cold and unfeeling, but she will remain his friend, wife and lover. She will always be these things to him, but she also knows that he will always be first, A Cop.

When a cop's wife kisses him as he leaves for work, she will make a silent wish that he will return to her. And every time there is a knock at the door, she will pray that it is not the Chief of Police and her husband's partner coming to say kind things about her husband, how brave he was, how dedicated he was.

Being a cop's wife means lots of trust, love and worry, but when he says "I love you", it makes it all worthwhile.

Holding each other up

2009-07-09T08:22:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago, I commented on Married to the Law's post about police giving each other breaks when being pulled over, and an anonymous commenter laid into me pretty good, accusing me of saying that I'm better than other people because I'm a cop's wife (which was not what I said at all).

However, it got me and quite a few other LEO spouses to thinking. And here's the thing: We ARE different.

There are plenty of careers out there with specific dangers: electricians, window washers, construction, farming. But the difference for us (and military spouses—which many of you also are) is intent. Our husbands go to work with the knowledge that they will be antagonized, they will be endangered, they will be targeted, they will be engaged by people who mean them harm. Confronting intentional danger is at the very heart of what they do.

I'm a professional editor for a travel industry newspaper, but I used to be an editor at a regular paper. When one of our sergeants was shot and killed a few years ago, reporters who never paid attention to me suddenly became interested in how I thought and felt, and more importantly, how my husband (then a trainee) felt. It was the only time that I could recall the news media showing concern and not suspicion for our police department. (The sergeant's death followed closely on the heels of a highly publicized reversal of a life sentence of a man who had spent 20 years in prison, which he claimed was a wrongful conviction.)

We have all felt misunderstood. We are all misunderstood. The very few officers who make grievous errors and choose to use their authority inappropriately are a point of fixation for the media and the community, while our husbands serve every single day heroically, ethically, selflessly. And we make sacrifices so that they can.

We ARE different. Let's celebrate our courage, our selflessness, and our dedication. We deserve it.

Exciting New Things to Come

2009-07-06T20:28:00.001-07:00

Police Wives Unite will be opening shop soon! A Cafepress shop that is! We are working hard at designing shirts and more!!! Stay tuned for our grand opening!

Cops in Michigan protect — and serve doughnuts

2009-07-05T05:15:00.000-07:00

Cops in Michigan protect — and serve doughnuts

Associated Press-Sat Jul 4, 1:28 pm ET

CLARE, Mich. – "Cops & Doughnuts" is more than a punchline. It's now a bakery in Michigan — owned by nine full-time employees of the Clare Police Department.

The newly renamed bakery opened Wednesday, offering doughnuts, cookies, muffins, brownies and bread. It also has mugs and T-shirts bearing the "Cops & Doughnuts, 100 Percent Cop-Owned" logo, and phrases including "You Have the Right to Remain Glazed" and "Handcuffs and Cream Puffs."

Officer Al White says the officers were concerned when the Clare City Bakery's owners decided to throw in the towel. The 113-year-old bakery would have become the sixth empty storefront in Clare's three-block downtown.

The officers were on hand for the grand reopening but have hired a manager and will employ local students as staff.

NYPD rookie makes arrest moments after graduation

2009-07-05T05:12:00.000-07:00

NYPD rookie makes arrest moments after graduation

Associated Press-Fri Jul 3, 12:42 am ET

NEW YORK – A New York Police Department rookie just couldn't wait to get started.
One of the NYPD's newest officers made his first arrest Thursday just minutes after graduating from the Police Academy in a ceremony at Madison Square Garden.

Officer Dariel Firpo, 23, was leaving the midtown Manhattan ceremony when he saw a 79-year-old man being robbed of his wallet and thrown to the ground by a mugger, police said.

The mugger tried to run away, but Firpo caught him without incident, they said.

"Officer Firpo made us all proud," police Commissioner Raymond Kelly said. "He's off to a great start."

The man Firpo arrested, Jeffrey Grant, was being charged with robbery. Grant, 47, has 48 previous arrests and was just released last week from Sing Sing Correctional Facility in Ossining, N.Y., after serving time for a robbery conviction, police said.

Grant, of Manhattan, was in custody late Thursday and couldn't be contacted. The name of his attorney wasn't yet on record.

The mugging victim was treated at a hospital for a broken wrist.

Firpo's feat "may be the fastest police action upon graduation in department history," said chief police spokesman Paul Browne, who was at the graduation ceremony for the class of 250 new officers.

Firpo, who graduated from Lehman College in January with a degree in political science, said he wants to focus on community affairs while working in the nation's biggest police department.
"I'm really trying to stick in the community," he said.

Support the PWU blog....

2009-07-02T14:19:00.000-07:00

Add this Button to your blog or website and show your support for Police Wives Unite!!!! Just copy and paste the code into a HTML/Java Gadget for blogs and anywhere on your myspace/website!!!!

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4th of July Independence Day -- Safety Tips

2009-07-02T13:00:00.000-07:00

People everywhere are fascinated by fireworks -- by the mystery and splendor that light the night sky or turn a backyard into a festival of light and sound. Like nothing else, fireworks can excite, thrill and amaze us. But as dazzling as fireworks can be, they can also be harmful if used improperly.

The National Council on Fireworks Safety (NCFS) urges you to put safety first when celebrating this Fourth of July. Legal fireworks are safer than ever, in part because of stringent federal safety standards enacted by the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission in 1976. The incidence of fireworks-related injuries has dropped dramatically during the past 10 years, according to Ann Crampton, executive director of the NCFS. But she says it can be cut further by following a few simple guidelines.

"Only use legal fireworks," she says. "The key, of course, is being able to recognize what's legal and what's not. Legal fireworks conform to the standards. Illegal ones often don't."

The Consumer Product Safety Commission requires that legal fireworks show the name of the item, the name of the manufacturer or distributor and easy-to-read cautionary labeling and instructions for proper use. Currently, 32 states, plus the District of Columbia, allow the use of some or all types of consumer fireworks.

"Commonly used fireworks include cones, fountains, and sparklers," Ms. Crampton says. "Before setting off any fireworks, contact your local police or fire department to make sure fireworks are allowed in your area."

Illegal devices include M80s, M100s and silver salutes. They have been federally banned since 1966 because of the large amounts of illegal explosives they contain. "Don't confuse these items with legal, consumer fireworks. Illegal devices will usually be unlabeled, will not bear a caution statement and will not list the manufacturer's name," cautioned Ms. Crampton. "Illegal explosive devices are extremely dangerous and can cause serious injuries. If you find any illegal items, or know of anyone selling them, contact the police immediately."

If you choose to use consumer fireworks to celebrate this year's Fourth of July festivities, remember the following safety tips from the
National Council on Fireworks Safety:

•A responsible adult should supervise all fireworks activities.

•Never give fireworks to young children.

•Always purchase fireworks from reliable sources.

•Follow label directions carefully.

•Never point or throw fireworks at another person.

•Use fireworks outdoors in a clear area away from buildings and vehicles.

•Never carry fireworks in your pocket or shoot them in metal or glass containers.

•Light them one at a time then move back quickly.

•Don't experiment with homemade fireworks.

•Observe local laws and use common sense.

•Sparklers, fountains and other items that many states allow for use by consumers are not appropriate when a large crowd is present.

•If attending a community display, leave your own fireworks at home -- there will be plenty of excitement provided by the display.

For more information on Fireworks safety, visit the National Council on Fireworks Safety web site.

Information for this Post provided by: fabulousliving.com

Teen online safety mostly about behavior

2009-07-02T12:04:00.000-07:00

The Internet and the way young people use technology are constantly evolving, but the safety messages change very slowly, if at all.

Like technology itself, Internet safety has to evolve. Back in 1994, when I wrote the first widely disseminated Internet safety publication, I advised parents not to let kids put personal information or photos online and — because of what turned out to be an exaggerated fear of predators — I urged them to avoid online conversations with strangers. Back then, along with trying to keep kids away from porn, Internet safety was mostly about protecting children from dangerous adults.

But starting around 2005, a new phase of the Web — often referred to as “Web 2.0″ — prompted some Internet safety advocates to focus on ways kids could get in trouble for what they post on social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook. It was in that year that Anne Collier and I founded BlogSafety.org (later renamed ConnnectSafely.org) so we could provide a forum for discussing safety issues on the Web. It was also around that time that politicians and the media, especially the TV show “To Catch a Predator,” started whipping up fears of predators trolling the Web for vulnerable children.

But after carefully reviewing available research, statistics show that the likelihood of a young person being harmed by an online stranger is quite rare, and sexual solicitations and harassment are most often from peers. And to the extent it has occurred, it affects teens, not young children. Based on studies by the Crimes Against Children Research Center, the overwhelming majority of crimes against youths continue to take place in the “real world,” mostly by adults known to the child.

But that doesn’t mean that the Internet is a risk-free zone. It’s just that young people are far more likely to be harmed by other youth or the consequences of their own online behavior than by adult criminals.

Their interactions are largely with people they know from the real world. As danah boyd (she prefers a lower case d & b) observed in her doctoral dissertation, Taken Out of Context: American Teen Sociality in Networked Publics (PDF), “teen participation in social network sites is driven by their desire to socialize with peers. Their participation online is rarely divorced from offline peer culture; teens craft digital self-expressions for known audiences and they socialize almost exclusively with people they know.”

This understanding of youth risk led to a whole new phase of Internet safety education focusing on such things as cyberbullying and urging youth to avoid posting material that could be embarrassing or get them into trouble with authorities and potential future employers. Recently, the focus has turned to the emotional and legal consequences of “sexting,” — kids sending nude pictures of themselves via cell phones or the Web. But Anne Collier observed in NetFamilyNews.org, we run the risk of “technopanics” over sexting and bullying.

What we’ve learned from observing how kids use the Net, mobile phones, gaming devices and other interactive technology is that there is really no distinction between online and offline behaviors. Technology is woven into their lives. They don’t go online, they ARE online. So it’s really about youth safety — not Internet safety.

It’s about helping young people make wise choices not just in how they use technology but in how they live their lives. Internet safety is more than just the absence of danger. It also includes finding ways to use technology for learning, collaboration, community building, political activism, self-help and reaching out to others.

These are not just philosophical arguments. They’re pragmatic because preaching about safety or trying lock down the Internet doesn’t protect kid. Trying to instill fear — especially based on myths — actually increases danger because it causes kids to tune out good advice.

Sure, there are technologies that can keep kids from using social networking services or visiting inappropriate Web sites. But, like fences around swimming pools, the use of filters at home and school can’t protect them forever. That’s why we teach kids to swim. Not only does knowing how to swim help prevent drowning, it empowers them to thrive in the water instead of fearing it. The same is true with technology. As kids mature into teens, we must pull back on the technological controls in favor of self-control.

In an email interview, Dr. Larry Rosen, Professor of Psychology at California State University, Dominguez Hills and author of Me, MySpace and I: Parenting the Net Generation observed, “sadly, too many parents think that using technology to track their children’s keystrokes or restrict access to certain websites is sufficient parenting. It is not. Parents must be involved with their children’s virtual lifestyles developing trust, being aware of any potential problems, learning about the technologies they use, and communicating often.”

Article provided by: http://www.safekids.com/

Cyberbullying - Keeping your Kids Safe Online

2009-07-02T12:02:00.000-07:00

Todd is a twelve year-old boy. A straight ‘A’ student, Todd is smart and shy and a self-proclaimed "geek" Todd has gotten used to not getting invited to social events like parties or play dates. Instead, he enjoys the companionship he receives from his fantasy role play games online where he has met and chatted with hundreds of other geeks from all over the world. Todd has learned over the years to sit alone at lunch time and spend recess in a classroom working on school work or reading the latest science fiction novel. He has been the victim of bullying. He knows the drill, find an adult, tell them what happened, sit in the principal’s office and witness the perpetrators receive detention or suspensions. The novelty has worn off for the playground bullies, and Todd feels he is "safer" at school than in years passed. Although the daily face-to-face bullying has been reduced, the bullies have found a new way to torment Todd. Hidden away from the watchful protection of teachers and parents, they have begun to harass him electronically. Despite being extremely computer literate and savvy in his ability to block their repeated attempts, Todd recognizes that he is on the defensive every time he boots up his computer or checks his voicemail or text messages. Todd’s new motto is, "Sticks and stones will break your bones but cyberbullying hurts even more! Unfortunately there is no way to protect yourself from devices you have to use throughout the day, and I am NOT giving up my computer or cell phone! Besides, it’s cyberspace! How do you know who to tell on?"

Cyberbullying is defined as willful and repeated harm inflicted through electronic media such as e-mails, instant messages, comments or posts on personal webpage profiles, phone messages, and text messages.

As playground bullying continues to be a real threat to our children, Cyberbullying is a common issue for pre-teens and teens today. Although the emotional response is similar to physical bullying, the dynamics are different. A playground bully needs physical strength and muscle to gain the fear and respect necessary for intimidation. In cyberspace all you need is a computer, cell phone, and persistence. Playground bullies get their reinforcement by the crowd cheering them on, in cyberspace there can be an audience of one or as large as thousands. Today the aggressor posts hurtful, derogatory words on profiles to achieve humiliation and embarrassment. Or a friend can print out a "secret chat" and distribute it to other classmates to reveal feelings. Camera phones also avail children to taking private pictures and distributing them. Hurtful text messages can be sent repeatedly not only costing emotional hurt, but can have financial consequences depending on what plan your child’s cell phone has.

So what can parents do? Computers and cell phones have become "necessities" but there are still ways to establish safe boundaries to help your child handle a cyberbully attack.

Try the following tips to help keep your child safe from abuse:

Discuss with your child the importance of not giving their real name, email address or mobile phone number to people outside their circle of friends and family.

Make sure they only use moderated chat rooms.

Install computer software to ensure that you only receive emails from people you have chosen and to block unwanted images such as this one recently created in Australia.

Consider which cell phone plan is the most appropriate for your child’s age, usage, and discuss the parameters with them before activating the phone.

Encourage your child to talk to you about anything that has been upsetting them.

Tell them they can show you any abusive or offensive messages they’ve received and keep a record of them.

Tell them never to respond to any abusive messages or calls – this is frequently what the abuser wants.

Report any abuse to the police, your child’s school, the internet service provider, the website manager/moderator or the mobile phone company. Use this Report Form to file a report.

As a final resort, consider changing your email address or telephone number if the abuse continues.

For additional tips on how to help your child deal with Cyberbullying please contact me at havi@health-e-connections.com

Article provided by: examiner.com

Police, deputies join to keep summer safe for youth

2009-07-02T11:57:00.000-07:00

By Jamie Rogers

Morning News Reporter
Published: June 18, 2009

Florence police and county sheriff’s deputies have combined forces to start a special initiative, Operation Safe Summer, to keep young residents safe this season.

Florence Police Chief Anson Shells said news of the collaboration has been received well by residents so far.

“I think they were pleased,” he said. “What we are trying to do is basically double our efforts.”

And the only way that can be done is through a synergic relationship, said Florence County Sheriffs Kenney Boone.

The agencies have been fighting crime together for years, Boone said. But the two leaders made it official on Monday when they signed a special contract that will allow certain law enforcement officers to work with more than one agency for up to one year. The agreement applies to the combined drug unit, the gang task force and the community action unit.

Drug enforcement is especially important in the effort to keep children safe all year round, Shells said.

“The summer tends to bring an increase in many types of crime. Both the sheriff and I know that,” he said. “One of those is drug crimes, and with it comes a whole host of other crimes.”

Both agencies have officers who specialize in gang intelligence. These officers will continue to work together, the chief and sheriff said, and gather information on gangs, since many young people become involved in illegal activity through street gangs.

“This is something that needs to continue,” Shells said. “We both have a lot to contribute and we are going to work to reduce the limitations as far as jurisdictions.

“Bad guys don’t know about jurisdictional lines, they just care about their drug territory.”

“We’ve all got to work together,” Boone said. “We are dealing with some of the same people, so it’s only appropriate that we work together.”

Boone said the agencies will be working to promote youth camps and organizations that aid in keeping youth out of trouble.

“We both have camps,” Boone said. “They have Camp Fever and a basketball camp, we have Camp Pee Dee Pride and an explorers program.”

Neighborhood watch organizations in the city and county are extremely important and will continue cooperating with both deputies and police, Shells said.

During the school year, school resource officers with both agencies will share ideas and information relating to students, Boone said

Article Provided by: SCnow.com

America’s First FCU Helps Keep Police Safe

2009-07-02T11:55:00.000-07:00

By Lindsey Siegriest

America’s First Federal Credit Union is helping to keep safe those who serve the community by providing bulletproof police vests to several local police departments.

America’s First has severed many of the municipalities in the Birmingham, Ala. area for years and wanted to give back to the community.

“It is great to know that there are still businesses, in our area, that recognize the critical needs of local law enforcement. America’s First has long been one of those that we can count on to provide the support we need, when we need it,” said Captain Tim Carter of the Helena Police Department.

The credit union has already donated three vests to Homewood, Pelham and Helena municipalities. They plan to issue 12 more vests during 2009.

Ballistic vests need to be replaced every five years due to law enforcement codes and normal wear and tear. In a press release, the credit union said that during this time of financial cut backs and budgeting issues they are proud of the opportunity to provide the police departments with this important and fundamental piece of equipment.

Article Information provided by: Credit Union Times

PWU Member Contest!!!!

2009-07-01T17:04:00.000-07:00

Click ^ to go to the group and submit your photo!!!!

Submit your best July Photo by July 31st 2009 to be entered in our summer contest. Winner will receive a prize from Kelly and be featured in next month’s newsletter along with being featured on the website. So please submit your photos to the designated Forum Topic. And remember you can only submit ONE photo.

About Kelly

2009-07-01T15:31:00.000-07:00

Just a little blog let you all know a little about myself:

My name is Kelly, I'm a 31 year old PROUD Police Wife to my husband of six years Patrick. I have a 4 yr old son Hayden and a 12 yr old step-daughter Kaitlyn. I was born and raised in Ohio; a true Buckeye! We moved to Vermont in 1993, it's no secret that I HATE living in Vermont! I can't stand the LONG winters, the lack of cell service due to being surrounded by mountains....I could rant and rave all night (I'll spare you ;) I am working on trying to convince my husband to move anywhere WARM (hopefully he'll come around soon)

My husband wears two uniforms that mean so much! Not only is he a Police Officer (SGT), but he is also in the National Guard (SSG). I couldn't be more proud of him! For those of you that don't know, his National Guard Unit is being immobilized to Afghanistan in December of this year. Although this will be tough for our family to be apart for so long, we support him and couldn't be more proud of him for serving our country!

I created Police Wives Unite on NING for a few reasons. I have always wanted a place for Police Wives to connect to share stories, compare notes and support one another. I am a member on a few other Police Wife support forums and I found them a little difficult to navigate. I love the fact that we have groups within our group, there's a place for everyone. My PW girls are the greatest, I could not make it through some days without the support of my PW's :) I am so thankful so have found such a great group of women! I am looking forward to seeing our group grow and form special bonds with all the women!

xoxo~ Kelly

Recession hitting LE hard and fast...

2009-07-01T13:29:00.001-07:00

This article hits really close to home for our department. Not only do we fall under the "No Overtime Pay For Police" category now but we also now fall under "No-Raise" as well...at least we know we're not alone...

Recession Hitting LE Hard and Fast
written by APB staff (American Police Beat www.apbweb.com)

A recent posting by POLICEPAY.NET, one of the nation’s leading contract negotiations and arbitration teams, and which is headquartered in Norman, Oklahoma, included the following stories. There’s no longer any doubt that the recession is having a severe impact on local law enforcement. Police sound staffing alarm. By Christian Burkin (The Stockton Record) “Not long ago the Stockton Police Department in California couldn’t hire fast enough to satisfy the city’s appetite for police, but last week it was forced by a shrinking budget to lay off four academy trainees who were about a month from graduating and joining the ranks.

Assistant Chief Blair Ulring, who has been in charge of the department since November, said their dismissal is without precedent. Several retired Stockton chiefs with whom he had spoken recently could not remember ever laying off police.”

Las Vegas police union doesn’t believe revenues are down. By Sam Skolnik (Las Vegas Sun) “As Las Vegas struggles with its worst budget crisis in years, the city has reached an important agreement with the union representing about 1,500 municipal workers. The unions had hired Beth Kohn-Cole of Reno to get an independent estimation of the city’s finances before agreeing to reduced raises. “According to the two-page Dec. 26 report, there are ‘pockets of funds’ the city has failed to take into account when claiming its need to cut employee pay hikes. Chris Collins, executive director of the Las Vegas Police Protective Association, said he hadn’t seen the Kohn-Cole report but that he’s seen other reports that have concluded the city’s revenues are up and not down, as the city contends. He quickly added that his union is ready to sacrifice its fair share if necessary.”

Police chief warily offers potential budget cuts. By Tony Plohetski (The Austin American-Statesman) “Austin Police Chief Art Acevedo said he has reluctantly found ways to slash the department’s budget by $5 million, but he warns that the cuts could affect ‘basic police services’ in some instances. “The cuts also would shift costs to other city agencies or require City Council members to depart from earlier decisions or curtail long-standing practices. They include delaying a cadet training academy in March and putting off a council-mandated merger with the park police and airport police that is scheduled to begin Monday.”

Police guild will not forgo ’09 raise. By Jeffrey Mize (The Columbian) “In Washington State, Vancouver’s police officers won’t follow the lead of city firefighters and give up their raises for 2009. Members of the Vancouver Police Officers Guild, the largest of the city’s ten unions, will receive a 5.1 percent pay increase during the final year of a four-year contract. ‘Our position is we are due to start negotiations in June,’ Sgt. Scott Creager, secretary of the 183-member guild representing officers, corporals and sergeants, said. ‘We aren’t interested in opening the contract for six months.’”

“No-raise” police pact nears approval. By Aaron Lee (Connecticut Post) “In Bridgeport, Connecticut, a contract giving police officers no raises through June 2010 is almost official after it passed the City Council’s Contract Committee in late December. The proposed four-year pact, which Bridgeport Police Union Local 1159 members had approved by 15 votes, may save the city $800,000 in the current fiscal year. In the third year of the contract, officers would get a 6 percent raise, followed by a 5 percent boost in the fourth and final year. “The contract now goes to the full council for review. ‘I think this is the best we can do given the national financial crisis,’ said Officer Frank Cuccaro, union president, who attended the meeting in City Hall. The pact would also prevent the layoffs of nine rookies. Widespread layoffs are one cost-saving measure Mayor Bill Finch implemented since learning of a looming $20 million city budget deficit.”

No Overtime Pay For Police. By Bryan Latham Wowt “The city of Omaha, already strapped for cash, is under an order from the state to reduce the amount of overtime police officers have banked. The police union says its members want the money and they want it now. When officers work overtime, they have the choice to be paid for the OT right away, bank it and save it for later, or take it as comp time. A recent decision from the Court of Industrial Relations lowered the number of hours officers can save, raising a lot of questions on all sides.”

Police and Fire Agree To 3% Pay Cut To Avoid Layoffs. By Leigh Jones (The Galveston County Daily News) “Police officers and firefighters overwhelmingly agreed to take a 3 percent pay cut to avoid layoffs, a measure City Manager Steve LeBlanc said would be necessary if the city didn’t cut $3.6 million from its budget. “LeBlanc announced the proposed pay cuts a week before Christmas, saying either the payroll or the number of city staffers would have to be reduced by Jan. 1.”

Kudos to the Santa Cruz Police Officers Association...

2009-07-01T13:20:00.000-07:00

Cops Try To Rescue School Sports
written by APB staff writers (American Police Beat http://www.apbweb.com/)

Saving people who find themselves in trouble is a pretty good job description of what it is that cops do. And in Santa Cruz, California, the local police association is trying to save something that many of us took for granted during brighter economic times – school sports. The Santa Cruz Police Officers Association is using the money it raises from a basketball game to try and save sports at two local schools. The SCPOA is teaming up with Santa Cruz High School and Harbor High School to put money back into school sports programs that need a boost after recent cutbacks due to budget issues basically put the programs on life support.
“We figured if we could start something and make it efficient we can give money each year and know we’re putting money into schools,” Steve Kopald, Harbor High School assistant athletic director, told local reporters in an interview.
The basketball game will feature the Harlem Ambassadors, which is kind of a cost-affordable version of the Harlem Globetrotters.
The Ambassadors will compete against a team composed of community members, students, and city council members.
Both high schools will sell about 200 tickets and will also try and get local businesses to kick in for advertisements.
The school that does the most fundraising will be the biggest winner and take 40 percent of the event earnings back to its athletic department.
The second place school will get 30 percent of the funds.
The Santa Cruz Police Officers Association understands that if kids are playing sports in school, they’re less likely to get into trouble in the street.
With that in mind, the police officers association is putting up $4,000 to keep the local sports programs afloat.

All about Erin

2009-07-01T06:20:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone!

I'm Erin, aka The Fierce Beagle. I'm a professional writer and editor, but I started blogging almost a year ago after having our first baby, Ethan. I needed a creative and community outlet, since being a police wife really began to show its toughest challenges after having a kid.

I met my husband, Noah, in college in Nashville, Tennessee. He was a religion major. So when we moved back to his hometown, Winston-Salem, North Carolina, it came as quite a twist of fate when he decided to join the police department. Noah graduated at the top of his Academy class two years ago, and has been on the streets ever since. For the first year and a half he worked rotating shifts, but this past January our department went to permanent shifts. Noah was lucky enough to be assigned the day shift. And we've been lucky enough to have some good friends—another police officer and his wife, a SAHM to a beautiful boy just a month older than Ethan—provide childcare while Noah and I are both at work.

Living in Winston-Salem has been great—I was born and raised in Los Angeles, and have also lived in Chicago and Northern Ireland—but it didn't really start to feel like home until we became part of the police community.

I'm the "sergeant" of the bereavement committee for Behind the Blue Line, the WSPD spouses' non-profit support group, and I'm really excited about being part of Police Wives Unite!

Philadelphia Cadets Get Straight Talk About Job Pitfalls

2009-06-30T13:45:00.000-07:00

By PATRICK WALTERS

Associated Press Writer

PHILADELPHIA --

The rows of Philadelphia police cadets grew quiet as grainy video rolled across a screen before them: Shocking footage of a transit officer in Oakland, Calif., fatally shooting a suspect in the back as the man was being held down on a train platform.

"Sir, did the officers see a gun?" a cadet asked after it ended. After a lieutenant said "No," the recruit shook his head at the example of what not to do.

On Monday, 166 Philadelphia Police Academy cadets graduated and got their badges. This year, with police scrutiny high nationwide, they first got a dose of straight talk about pitfalls that have derailed recruits. In other big cities, training touches on such topics, but Philadelphia now has a more direct, all-inclusive approach: What can get you fired?

The Guardian Civic League, a group of black officers, presented a program called "Steer Straight" to the class last week. Veteran officers spent seven hours telling them all about what could ruin their careers - domestic violence, improper use of lethal force, alcohol abuse, accepting freebies on the job and more.

"It takes one slip to lose everything you've worked so hard for," Inspector Cynthia Dorsey, who heads up the internal affairs division, told the class.

With about 6,700 officers, the Philadelphia Police Department is the nation's fourth- largest force - behind New York, Chicago and Los Angeles.

The Guardian Civic League presented the program to active officers last year. But the group's president, Rochelle Bilal, worried young recruits weren't hearing enough from seasoned veterans, and Commissioner Charles Ramsey asked her to take it to cadets.

It has been a tough few years for the department, with seven officers killed in the line of duty since May 2006.

With the force on edge, commanders, community leaders and other law enforcement at the training cautioned that the mistakes of even a very few can tarnish the department's name.

In May 2008, about a dozen Philadelphia officers were caught on television video kicking, punching and beating three suspects at a traffic stop; the city later fired four and demoted several others.

"Don't even think about privacy," District Attorney Lynne Abraham told the cadets. "You are going to have to remember that everybody is watching you."

Cadets heard the story of the transit officer in Oakland who resigned after shooting the unarmed suspect on New Year's Day.

Johannes Mehserle was charged with murder in the shooting of Oscar Grant, 22, a suspect in a fight who had his hands behind his back and another officer kneeling on his neck when he was shot. Mehserle has pleaded not guilty; his attorney said he meant to reach for his Taser.

The cadets got words of warning about an ongoing federal investigation of four officers in Philadelphia's narcotics unit who are accused of falsifying search warrants; none has been charged, but each has been put on desk duty.

They heard about small-time corruption, too, like the case of a 15-year veteran in Daytona Beach who was fired after allegedly threatening Starbucks employees with slower response times if they refused to give him free drinks.

"The way the economy is, they won't have a problem letting you go," said Roosevelt Poplar, vice president of the Fraternal Order of Police, reminding the cadets they are on probation for a year. "Discipline in the police department is, I would say, at an all-time high."

On one day in April, Ramsey announced plans to fire five officers - including one accused of making derogatory racial remarks on a ride-along with a student journalist and two accused of using racial epithets while responding to a school disturbance.

Authorities in other large police departments say they cover many of the topics but not in an exclusive program.

In Los Angeles, cadets get extensive training about corruption, community policing and use of force, but nothing all in one place, said Officer Karen Rayner, a department spokeswoman. Rookies are paired with a training officer, who has at least three years experience.

In New York, recruits get training on many topics addressed in the Philadelphia program, but no single training geared toward everything that can get you fired.

"They cover it, but they cover in it in a way that they can say 'OK, we covered it. Let's move on,'" said Noel Leader, co-founder of the advocacy group 100 Blacks in Law Enforcement Who Care, who helped train recruits in New York before retiring as a sergeant in 2006.

Shortly before graduating, New York cadets get community relations training and hear the concerns of department critics firsthand, said Deputy Commissioner Paul J. Browne. Internal affairs also makes a general presentation at the academy; The NYPD also steps up training in certain areas as it becomes needed, Browne said.

Philadelphia cadets said "Steer Straight" at the very least gave them pause.

Anthony Herley, a 23-year-old Philadelphia native, said he couldn't imagine himself in any of the bad situations. He's dreamt of becoming an officer since his hopes for a football career fizzled in high school.

"I've got to feed my family," said Herley, the father of two boys, ages 1 and 4. "The last thing you want to do is mess things up. ... This is a dream come true."

All information for this blog post provided by Officer.com

Attention Blog Contributors:

2009-06-30T13:34:00.000-07:00

You can Copy and paste this code to your personal blog to show you are a Contributor here at the Police Wives Unite blogsite!!! Just copy and paste the code from the text box into a HTML/Java Gadget on your personal blog!!!! It links back to this blogsite when you click it!~

Learn SQL

All about Michelle....

2009-06-30T12:52:00.000-07:00

Just a little blog let you all know a little about myself:

My name is Michelle, I'm a 27 year old PROUD Police Wife to my husband of seven years Michael and PROUD Stay At Home Mom to my three year old twin toddlers Connor & Braden.
I was born and raised in Upstate NY (some would say Canada...and that is not far from the truth!) as was my husband. There are not many advantages in our small home town so my husband & I relocated to Hampton Roads, Virginia one month after the Sept 11th attacks in 2001.
After dating for two years, on the exact anniversary of our engagement Michael & I married on August 24, 2002 back home in New York.
Michael was hired by the Chesapeake Police Department at the end of 2003 and graduated the academy on August 24, 2004...yes there is a trend with us on August 24th!
Our miracle twins arrived amid a flurry of life threatening crisis's on March 11, 2006 and happily today Mommy and boys are all happy and healthy thanks in large part to our very own special hero, Mike, who saved the three of our lives on March 11, 2006 and turned what could have been a tragedy into a very happy occasion!
In summer 2007 Mike was award the Star Performer Award by the city in recognition of "outstanding service to the city" for a drug related plain clothes detail that he worked for six months. Last August Mike was promoted to the position of FTO (Field Training Officer) and has successfully trained three rookies. Mike recently became a state certified instructor and was recognized at a ceremony for five years of dedicated service to the city. He is currently in the application process for SWAT and K9.
As a SAHM the twins and I belong to two very active local play groups and keep insanely busy with all our little buddies at play dates and we enjoy going to parks, museums, the beach, the zoo, farms and pretty much any other place we can think of to check out!
In my spare time....(what is that!?!) I love to take pictures, scrapbook, craft, read and write. My favorite color is purple, I can't live without pizza and I'd go crazy if we didn't live near the ocean! I think that the bond we all share as Police Wives is priceless and I look forward to all of us being a wealth of support to one another!

So that's Michelle in a nutshell!

About Desiree

2009-06-30T12:44:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! Im Desiree, Iam a Sahm/Photographer. I have 3 wonderful children. 2 girls and 1 boy. I have been married for 4 years now. We have been together for 5 years. My husband is a Sheriffs Deputy; he has been one for 11 years now. He works the night shift in the patrol unit.

We live in Sacramento California. We have both lived in California for the majority of our lives okay well he has his whole life except when he was in the military and I have my whole life except for the 6 months I lived in Las Vegas Nevada!

I love writing; always have; I write about some pretty random stuff; boring everyday stuff and a whole lot of nothing! Writing is my outlet for having a good or bad day! I have a personal blog The Family Behind His Badge if you would like to check it out!

I am also this blogsites manager... If there is anything you would like to share with this site Please Email me at desireesbook@gmail.com .

Desiree

Announcing Blog Contributors!

2009-06-30T12:24:00.000-07:00

First off Thank you to the Emails that i received to be a contributor on the Police Wives Unite Blog! As of right now I decided that the following will be our Blog Contributors:

Desiree (Me-PWU Admin Member)
Kelly (PWU site creator)
Michelle (PWU Admin member)
Erin (PWU member)

As of right now these will be our contributors. In time if this progresses the way i am expecting it to I will open up the Application process again!

I would reall like Each Blog Contributor to Please take the time to first Accept the invitation sent to you to be a Author! and secondly please please please take the time to post a blog on here telling us alittle about yourself.

I will be then linking this blog To your link on the side of the page!

Thank you

Desiree C.
Blogsite Manager
Police Wives Unite

Looking for Contributors:

2009-06-29T03:15:00.000-07:00

CLOSED Not Accepting at this time

Police Wives Unite is looking for Contributors for our blog site! We are looking for a few good Police Wives to help run the blog! If you would like to apply please email Desiree at desireesbook@gmail.com.

Requirements of the Blog Contributor:

Must be able to blog atleast 1 time a week on a assigned day.
Must keep blog on track with Police related content or family of Law enforcement content.
Must have a blog of their own on sites such as wordpress, blogger etc so that we may list them in the Blog Contributors list on the side of blog.
Must be willing to submit purposed blog entry for approval before posting if content is sensitive in nature.
Must give proper credit when using articles from other websites linking site(s) at the end of their post and putting in proper label category.

Please make sure that you are willing to commit to helping out with our blog. It takes the time and effort from everyone to have our site(s) running smoothly!

Thank you

Desiree C
Blogsite Manager
Police Wives Unite

Okaloosa County Deputy Needs A Kidney Transplant

2009-06-29T02:38:00.000-07:00

A 20-year-veteran of the Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office continues to hit the streets while he waits for a life saving transplant.

Deputy Johnnie Briggs was diagnosed with polycystic kidney disease in 1998. He began dialysis earlier this month and gets the treatments three days a week. But he doesn't let that stop him from working his twelve hour shifts as a member of the traffic enforcement unit.

"I have good days and bad days," said Briggs. "But it does make you very, very tired".

Briggs needs a kidney transplant and is on the waiting list at Tulane University Hospital in New Orleans. But that could take a while. Patients typically spend three to seven years on the waiting list. In Florida alone, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services says more than 3,000 people are awaiting kidney transplants.

Briggs' girlfriend wants to donate one of her kidneys. but she's not a match.

Anyone who is interested in becoming a kidney donor is asked to contact Kim Thompson at kidneyforjohnnie@yahoo.com or 850.218.8818 for more information.

Article Courtesy of WKRG News.com

Family Life

2009-06-29T00:27:00.000-07:00

Law Enforcement Personnel and Family Life

There is nothing more rewarding than taking pride in yourself, your career, and your family. Law enforcement professionals want to help others and make a difference in the lives of those in need. However, as the years go by the concept of “helping people” looses its glamour. Seeing people at their worst and a part of society that most do not see, can cause a negative effect. Law enforcement personnel and those in emergency services deal with trauma and crisis on a regular basis. Responding to crime scenes, car accidents, assaults, child abuse cases, disputes, domestics, being subjected to physical confrontations, internal investigations, and other types of difficult to handle situations are a part of what police officers do on a daily basis. Police work is a physically and emotionally draining job. Repeated exposure to negative images and interactions affect the overall physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual well being of police officers spilling over in to their personal lives drastically impacting their families.

Law enforcement personnel are required to problem solve for others daily. Many of the situations that police officers face require them to maintain control, remain professional, and show little emotion which is difficult to do in stressful or traumatic situations. It requires the ability to silence true feelings and emotions adding additional challenges to an already highly stressful occupation. Work related stress associated with police work leads to numerous issues including post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, anxiety, alcoholism, substance abuse, suicide, domestic violence, divorce, and other addictions and problems. Unresolved trauma affects work, personal relationships, the way we parent, and our quality of life. Police officers are at risk of work-family spillover when officers are not able to differentiate between their work self and home self. All of these issues filter down to the officer’s family life.

As people have changed and evolved through time, so has the definition of family. One way we define family is to say that family are the people we go to for support. With this new concept of family in mind, the reality is that all people need support. In essence, we can not go through life alone without the support of loved ones. Our family support network is made up of many people including relatives, parents, siblings, partners/spouses, children, friends, and co-workers. Knowing when and where we find support is essential in our journey through the different stages of life. Gaining knowledge through experience, preparing for future challenges, and identifying and utilizing support systems keeps families healthy, thriving, and functioning as a unit.

Police families and the need for support

Our culture tends to turn away from those who are suffering or experiencing crisis. The common message is that people are expected to “get over it”. This is exhibited within the police culture as well. Police officers rely on each other for safety and strength. Expressing sadness, fear, or indecisiveness leads other officers and members of society to question a police officer’s level of competence. Police officers can get caught up in suppressing their feelings causing them to compartmentalize or put away their true emotions. This puts them at risk of either releasing their emotions inappropriately at a later time, or dismissing them. This can lead to several other issues including emotional instability, anger, social withdrawal, detachment, and isolation.

Think of a time when you were feeling stressed, emotionally drained, or physically spent. What techniques or behaviors did you use to reduce your stress? Often times we turn to techniques that we have used in the past which have given us relief. However, there is a difference between temporary relief and healing. It is easy to engage in a cycle of behaviors that may seem harmless but if used in excess have the potential to be damaging. It is important to be mindful of what we have used previously, and the degree of effectiveness it has had. Patterns of negative behaviors form when unresolved issues are not dealt with leaving us vulnerable to future emotional instability.

The different ways in which we reduce stress are unending. Still, we need to focus on long term stress reduction and maintenance. The key is having the ability to decipher which practices are healthy and which ones are harmful. Some common techniques that people use are drinking, television watching, video game playing, computer usage, or viewing pornography. Occupying our mind and time with certain distractions keeps us from dealing with the issues that are causing harm. Other coping mechanisms such as substance abuse, unhealthy or over eating, over spending, and gambling are also damaging. Temporary solutions do not allow us to heal. They provide a quick fix keeping us afloat enough to manage our daily tasks.

Reaching out, identifying resources, and using our support systems build resilience against life’s challenges that we face on a daily basis. Support comes from family members, co-workers, mental health and medical professionals, support groups, educators, clergy, neighbors, book resources, periodicals, internet web sites, as well as many other places. Identifying when we need support combined with the confidence to seek out applicable resources improves our chances of overcoming future family related stressors and promotes healthy and functioning families.

Why is family life important?

Our physical, emotional, and mental well being affects our family members, especially our partners/spouses and children. Our experiences, thoughts, words, actions, perceptions, feelings, and emotions create our individual belief system affecting how we interact and communicate with others. Communication is crucial in maintaining healthy personal relationships and family functioning. How we manage stress is also a factor in maintaining a healthy family life and thriving career. Making note of what stress management techniques work for us and utilizing them regularly is an ideal way of guarding against future challenges. Building resilience against crisis and stress strengthens our ability to serve the communities we work for, and better yet, our own families.

Some ways to reduce stress are eating healthy, exercising, journaling, talking with a friend, spending time with loved ones, working on a favorite hobby, spending time outdoors, using breathing techniques or visualization, listening to soothing music, being intimate with your partner, taking a bath as well as many other ways. One of the best ways to reduce stress is spending quality family time. The wonderful thing about stress management techniques is that they can be incorporated with family bonding.

Building family ties through rituals, traditions, and social involvement strengthens family relationships and attachments. Some great ways to achieve these things are family trips, outings, bike rides, hikes, playing games, celebrating special occasions, family meals, attending community events, and having regular family meetings. Open communication, being a good listener, practicing patience, accepting criticism, avoiding defensiveness, admitting mistakes, showing forgiveness, and providing encouragement and support to our family members are some ideal ways that we promote quality family life. Family life is important because we need the mutual support of our family to be fulfilled.

Moving forward and embracing change

As we take our journey through life, we create our legacy. Our legacy being, the beliefs, qualities, traits, or attributes we pass on to those we are closest to. Ask yourself, if today was the last day of my life, what would I leave behind? How would my family, friends, and the people that knew me remember me? You can also ask yourself, am I the best family member, partner, spouse, parent, police officer, co-worker or friend I can be? Do others look to me for guidance? Am I a good leader or role model? By asking ourselves these challenging questions and reflecting on our answers, we can take the necessary steps towards identifying the changes we want to make.

The reality is we are not truly capable of taking care of others, until we have cared for ourselves. It is never too late to make the conscious decision to improve who you are. Sometimes, the smallest changes can be the most difficult, yet the most rewarding. Knowing that change does not happen overnight is also important to keep in mind. Overcoming behaviors or habits that we have practiced for years, or perhaps over the course of our life, will take a deal of time. However, happiness comes from living a life that makes us feel comfortable with the person that we are.

There is nothing more humbling than admitting to yourself that you need help. We are all works in progress, a job that is never ending. There is never a point in anyone’s life where one can say, I am the best person I can be. Point being, we all need help at different times in our life. Once we can understand this concept, we can accept our weaknesses, learn from them, move forward, and open ourselves up to positive changes. Embracing change allows us to be more willing to seek out the resources that can help improve our self awareness. It is never too late to make changes that positively impact our lives, as well as the lives of those who are closest to us.

Information for this article was provided by: Law Enforcement Family Support

Aliases Hinder Probe of Houston Officer's Slaying

2009-06-28T16:19:00.000-07:00

By MICHAEL GRACZYK
Associated Press Writer

HOUSTON --

Four people police say were involved in the fatal shooting of a Houston police officer this week are illegal immigrants and have multiple aliases that are complicating the investigation.

Two suspects are charged with capital murder in the slaying of 42-year-old Officer Henry Canales. He was working undercover on a stolen property sting operation when he was gunned down Tuesday night. The alleged shooter was shot and killed by police; three other suspects were caught a short time later.
Andres Maldonado Nava, 41, had at least eight aliases and multiple arrests in California, authorities said Thursday. Robert Pedroza Carrillo, 37, who was killed in the gunfire, had three aliases. Both men are from Mexico.

Xiomara Rosales Mendez, 36, of Honduras, also is charged, along with a Mexican-born female authorities said is claiming to be a juvenile.

Each of the suspects has sought legal help from their consulates, officials said.

Conviction on the capital murder charge carries a penalty of life in prison or death. Harris County District Attorney Pat Lykos said it was too early to say if prosecutors would seek the death penalty.

"The investigation has been made a little more difficult because of the difficulty in ascertaining the true identity of the suspects," said Harris County prosecutor Julian Ramirez. "Each one of them has used multiple names. Officers have to contend with that as they attempt to find out the true history of the suspects."

Homicide Capt. Steve Jett said Carrillo was arrested by the Border Patrol in El Paso in 1997, went before an immigration judge and was returned to Mexico. It's not certain how long he'd been in Houston. When he was arrested in El Paso, he gave the name of Bernardo Diaz Ruiz.

Maldonado Nava had multiple arrests in California under at least eight names. Among the arrests were attempted murder, robbery, assault, theft, drugs and firearms violations.

Officials said Canales, a 16-year police veteran, was shot as Carrillo attempted to hijack a truck that contained televisions that was used as bait by undercover officers working a sting operation targeting groups selling and buying large amounts of stolen merchandise.

"They came with money and they were interested and they wanted to purchase goods that we told them were stolen," police Lt. Scott Dombrowski said. "At that point, things went horribly wrong and became tragic."

The two adult suspects were set for an initial court appearance Friday.

Canales' funeral was set for Monday.

This News Story Courtesy of Officer.com

"A Tribute to a Cop's Wife"

2009-06-28T16:08:00.000-07:00

By Captain Harvey C. Hines

Honey, I'm sure you've heard at times during our married life,

From those who ask. Aren't you proud to be a policeman's wife?

But Honey, let me say this: it's you I'm proud of, and they would be, too.

If only they could see what it takes to be one and what she has to go through.

To be a lawman, it's no easy task to do what we have to do.

But it's a much harder job to be his wife, and it takes someone special like you.

And I know God chose you to be with me in this life.

Because he knew you had the quality and strength to be a cop's wife.

Some may say that I have courage and I'm a hero and that sort of thing;

And when I hear it, this thought to my mind it always brings:

It's you Honey, you're the courage behind this man's badge, don't you see;

And it's you Hon', who's the real hero, not me.

And I know you get lonely and frustrated at times and wonder if it's worth it all;

But if you ever left me, this "brave courageous hero" would be no man at all.

And I know you worry about the temptations I face on the streets,Of the women of the night and girls that I meet.

But let me tell you this, Honey, and you listen good:

There's nobody on this earth who could replace you, they certainly never could.

And I know there are times when I go to work and you kiss me goodbye,

That you must worry and wonder if this is the day I've been chosen to die.

And Honey, if that should ever happen and someday become true,

Remember, Hon', my very last thoughts on this earth will be of you.